live piñata

i feel like a freaking live piñata that God is hitting around. SO fun... wait till i split and the candy comes pouring out. Funny how one can feel. The rush of thousands of thoughts just activate emotion after emotion - i've just embarked on a not-so-pleasant journey that might last for a while. i'm thinking of it as the sickest roller-coaster ride of the century that i'm on - and i've got no seatbelt/safety bar and that i'm feeling queasy (not the usual me).

so its 7:45am in the morning. i didn't really get much sleep last night, too much thinking and reflection. however, i've got to teach later at i don't know what time. hell... i'll just go early to church and if it's time, it's time... if not i'll just wait till the time is right.

some guys said that i did a really good job leading worship last night. i couldn't agree more - i feel the epiphany when i get on stage and lead worship. i'm just afraid that i wouldn't be able to do that when i start working... it usually isnt the job of the ****** to do that.

gimme some goddamn strength and a freakin smile later for class... i can't teach with a face like that. i said i hated u... yeah... i'm sorry but i've just realised that i can't live without you. so if i hate you and decide to leave you and not believe in you, i'd probably die like an old fuck. if anyone's wondering why my vocabulary has been *expanding* - online at least, it's because of some things that i've come to personally believe about freedom of expression. you might think that it's a little warped... but you're free to believe anything that you believe in.

Well... that's a wrap for now. I might take out my camera to shoot a bit today~ oh yeah... it rained last night... and my bike got a wash. haha :P

nate